It's raining outside and I find myself sitting here again, early as it is to type away as usual. Sunshine's beside me - this pretty big, orange-and-yellow stuffed dog that I bought roughly a week ago? Or something like that when me and my family watched X2.
The air's cooler - thank the Goddess, since I don't think I'd appreciate blistering heat right now. My muscles hurt, more since I did a full workout yesterday - something that I'm trying to make a habit of since I really wanna get in shape for not just hockey, but for a number of other reasons.
I mean I don't get any other exercise other than my T/TH hockey sessions which have now gone from two hours to three - 3-6 in the afternoon. and I definitely miss dancing, but have no time to get back into it.
Besides, I wanna look presentable before I get my ass over there.^^
Did a couple of things from the moment I logged onto the net. **please hover on the names.
Did a couple of emails. Due ones particularly - for DE and Athens. Told them about the news I plan to tell my--Kai, Mai, Harle, Isis--girls this coming Wednesday when Flip and I meet up with them. Also in on the fun will be my darling Ube, Charliedoggie and hopefully, Kuya will, as he says - do a sneaky sneak out of the office. I highly doubt that he'll show though... since it's a given fact that he loves his work. Wants to work more. And is your basic workaholic.
^-^~ <-note to the public... this is supposed to be an ermine.
I'm being my regular hyper self today... despite the aches and pains that plague me. That's what I get for being out of shape. At least the toning factor is getting somewhere.^^
Anyway... aside from that, I've been browsing through my Aunt's VT page and am finally getting the hang of how it's supposed to go. Pardon the poor kid. I felt a little lost since the things I'm used to are Livejournals, Blurtys and this one. My favorite one. ;p
. . .
I'm still hung up on Crazy/Beautiful, and am getting even more hung-up on pictures. Went through lots of stuff when I was ransacking my shelf for pictures to put in my journal-cum-scrapbook. Haven't started on it... YET. Yet being the operative word. I will though... today, hopefully, considering that it's likely to be a slow one with everyone just widing down. Flip especially, since he'll be coming home from LSGH.
What else to write...?
Well, I'm excited for Wednesday. Lots of fun happen on Wednesdays. It's basically the group tradition. Hopefully in the incoming schoolyear it'll TRY to manage to stay the same. I know Harle and I will still have our Wednesdays - U-break is a constant thing here.
Anybody notice that the links are particularly plentiful this entry around? I guess I just need to feel connected. Something's... off. I guess... I can't put my finger on it, but it's there. Not bad. Not good. Justthere. Half creeps me out. It's always this way this time of year.
Oh shit. I just remembered why.
Last year, Mother's Day, Franco texted me saying (I think it went like this): hapi mother's day 2 ur m0m nd lola
The magic(no k) of text, eh?
. . .
Isis has gotten into the habit of songwriting. No music yet - but then I've always offered to be the tune-finder. Her lyrics are wonderful, but that shouldn't surprise me since writing was and still is one of the main things that bring her and me closer.
I love having a sister.
Even if I constantly am praning on several levels that I hurt/disappoint her.
Evidently, she doesn't think so, considering that I recalled what she said the night of my debut.
I know you don't hear this a lot from me: but I am proud of you sis. And I love you.
Gah! Getting considerably weepy again. Blame it on the rain. The sky cries for me more often these days, and from what I've gotten on the last few posts - crying isn't a bad thing. I am female. I am allowed. To hell with the bloody sods who think otherwise, right?
Anyway, she's been writing lyrics and I can't help but want to learn guitar for the heck of writing the music down - and fast. Can't though, considering as I am not allowed to learn guitar. Dang. I remember that Mr. Villapando - the only music teacher that I got the pleasure of having as a teacher for two memorable years of my life in High School. He wasn't there for my senior year though - with due reasons, but I'm glad that he did attend the graduation proper - or so my batchmates tell me.
I even ran into him one time on one of his visits to school that timed to my own dalaw and told him when he asked that I didn't place in my last year's Grad Song Contest.
He said that it didn't matter. He told me he actually got news from his graduate (my batch) students that it was good.
Heheheh... to think, he'd always supported my music. He even made a face saying that I shouldn't have stressed on Metropop too much back then. He'd listened to the news that I sent in and didn't make it, and told me that it didn't really matter. Iba yung tipo ng nandoon. That's as close as I can get to what he said before.
And since we're on the topic of St. Scho... I've been taking a stroll down memory lane as of late and have realized that no matter the hell I went through back then - I'd do it all the same way if I could. Maybe that's what Mr. Baula meant when we discussed the other form of past/present/future being done all at the same time. You won't change anything - because you accept that changing things would make things... wrong. Somehow.
I know I wouldn't have thought that way years ago - but things... events/people/lives get a little more in the objective/subjective perspective when you grow a little older.
Maybe it's the fact that 18's like a new start that makes me think this way. The Higher Powers forbid that I go on an early mid-life crisis when I hit my late twenties.
I remember a conversation Faye and I had at House Blend during the last stretch of the school year. She'd just graduated then and was supposed to be at Grad Practice. Point is, she was sick (read: sniffles) and didn't want to contaminate the entire graduating batch.
We got to talking at how our lives in high school semi-sucked - more for me than for her (she was my batch's Big Sister batch, btw) since she'd watched me grow through the infinite number of rotten stages. A bitch for a supposed "best friend", a barkada that left me behind (three of which continue to be close friends of mine/barkada today), a class that turned against me.
All in all - she'd seen me... "grow" (no, not in height. I'm still the same 4 10 and 3/4 inches as I was in freshman year...) into the person I am now. A person she gladly calls 'my kid' and would fight tooth and nail for considering that she just wants me happy. Is it any wonder that she coined the term: male bimbo. For those who know who this is - don't say anything nalang.^^
Funny how she wanted to play a part at least in the planning of my debut since she wasn't sure if she could attend. My Of Roses and Rain cd will ALWAYS be precious in that aspect. She burned both copies and wished me a happy birthday.
Love you Da. ^^ Sana maging masaya ka na din.
Anyway... we talked about how Kulasas (term used for Scholasticans. And when I say Scholasticans, I mean those who are TRUE BLUE-bloods. There are few and far between in the College Department - no offense meant to those who are, you might be one of them - who understand what it means to be from SSC) return to St. Scho, even if, at the point they were in it, it was your basic Hell 101.
She mentioned something to me... something a friend/batchmate of hers said at one of their get-togethers: May dream ako. Na sana, kapag nagkita ang mga Kulasa, irregardless of whether magkakilala man o hindi, magka-batch man o hindi, hindi lang 'hi/hello'. Kundi hug at usapang kapatid.
Kick me, but it sounds like something someone would say. Rather - it's something of a tradition in his school. His batch. We were more of the same worlds than we both realized. Maybe a little off-tangent at times, but there was something that made us the same.
The same thing that makes me mesh well with the personalities of everyone who walks into my life.
. . .
I know that to some who'll read this blog - they'll actually tell me to quit talking about my ex since he's past and should leave the past in the past. That it's done and over with... and I should just stop. That's also something that he'd be likely to say... since he said that before as well.
Harle, you've more than once impled that... and, as much as I appreciate the sunshine... I also need my rain. I'm water, remember, and no matter what he's done, he's a huge part of who I am. He walked away with a huge chunk, but I've found the fill to put in that empty bite off my shoulder.
It's all of you. And I'm not saying that you were all panakip-butas. No, it's like a puzzle, mon chère amis. If the piece don't fit, it don't belong in the set.^^
The piece he took away kinda belonged. But you guys fit the picture better. I love ALL of you.
So, here I am, talking away, making mention of a person who I didn't want to talk about in the past eight (yes, it is FINALLY eight, NOT seven!) months and it's... easier. Considering that I can now enjoy (him) without any illusions. I think my favorite beauty Mia Devlin mentioned that in Face the Fire... yes Mama's hung up on that book yet again - and is presently cooking breakfast and my stomach's grumbling for fuel.
Not just yet though... I have a few more lines to write.
Because I have promised my sisters - and everyone else who matters, that I will tell them (Let's go all Ally McBeal now...^^) the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me Goddess (and all other heavenly beings), I'm stating here and now that I want to allow one of my good friends in the block - KittyKim - my fellow Stitch-lover (boyfriend niya at honey ko) - to have access to this thing.
She's a net lover and I trust her to keep this to herself.
And besides... I miss having her meddle in my life.
I'd allow Crissy access too... but right now, I still have a few kinks to work out before I do something as life-altering as that.
. . .
Final Stretch.
I finally finished the long standing Romance. That's big news as it is. Still have no candidate for my duet partner (Josh Groban anyone? Seriously, I hear his voice on that track.^^) but I'm not rushing. In something as important as my music - you can't rush it.
I'm working on a new one though... I'm thinking of doing the first piano-cum-guitar track for NHB and I want the theme to go something like this:
"We're all just living in this world /
Just trying to get by /
You're not alone / You don't suffer alone /
We're all just working our way /
Through the muck and candy that's life /
Know that / Remember that / No one's an island"
- possible lyrics for No One's An Island; No Holds Barred
I want my music to say something this time around. I want what Harle describes in Windy Day to be real.
"For every aspect of life, for every facet of love...she was able to make a song for each of them."
- Charlotte Legan; Chapter 1; Windy Day by Lady Harle
I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down
Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life
Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you get bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too
Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down.
- Landslide; Stevie Nicks
For the past few nights I have either been: a. dreaming, b. having nightmares, or c. ... I think I've been "walking".
It's not funny. Not even in the slightest bit. I can't even attribute it to stress because I have absolutely nothing to stress me out as much as school did when I last had these symptoms.
At this particular time I can't recall all the details of the dream I had last night... but what I do remember is the one I had the night before last night.
Basic characters: Me, a 'youth' (he's no kid, he's no man either) with slicked back sandy-brown hair and green eyes named Orion, and a woman roughly Isis' height and waist-length, wavy black hair. She is nameless. but she seemed even more familiar than the image of the one I call Orion.
In a nutshell, they both came to my room and fiddled with the little makeshift side table (read: two portable plastic drawers taken from ANONYMOUS) - Orion browsing through the CDs I set beside my wlkaman and stereo-set and the woman through the two books that I read often: POETRY PLEASE! ~ a gift from my Mom's friend (one of my various titas) and my copy of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream.
After leafing through the pages she gave me (MidSum first) the books and pointed out passages. Harle tells me it's a form of Divination called Bibliomancy - normally used on teh Bible. Well... since my BoS is shot, I guess this is the best she can do.
. . .
"I know a bank where the wild thyme blows
Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows,
Quite overcanopied with luscious woodbine,
With sweet muskroses and with eglantine.
There sleeps Titania sometime of the night,
Lulled in these flowers with dances and delight.
And there the snake throws her enameled skin,
Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in.
And with the juice of this I'll streak her eyes
And make her full of hateful fantasies.'
- Oberon King of the Faeries; Lines 257-266; Act 2. Scene 1.
A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare
. . .
"I slept and dreamed that life was Beauty:
I woke and found that life was Duty:
Was then the dream a shadowy lie?
Toil on, sad heart, courageously,
and thou shalt find thy dream to be
A noonday light and truth to thee."
- Duty; Ellen S. Hooper; page 66; Poetry Please!
. . .
After talking to Harle over the phone last night, we tried to make sense of it.
And thus the title of this entry.
I don't know. Honestly, as I said in a previous entry - nothing makes sense anymore. Nothing remotely makes sense. I think I'm due for some kind of fit again - heaven forbid that anyone have the bad luck to witness it.
Dammit. I feel like I can't rant/vent coherently. I can't tell anyone at this point how messed up this whole thing is. i can't explain to my Mom - I feel like I can't express it well to her.
I can't keep on calling Harle up. Goddess knows I've done that once too often. I mean, I know she'll be there - but somehow I feel so... disconnected to everyone. I feel broken off on the higher level from Mai, and Harle, and Kai and Sis. I feel broken off from my own brother - Goddess knows the music is my only refuge now that he's all the way in LSGH until Sunday.
I can sense them all. I have a basic idea of how they are - but I end up wondering how come when I feel like shit no one texts me out of the blue wondering at the change in atmosphere?
Maybe this is it. This is mine. Cut me off from the rest of the world, why don't you? Hm?
Damn.
I found myself remembering things. Anybody wonder why I refused to cry at all to any of you? Anybody wonder why I refused to showed a softer side - my weaker side? Because crying makes you weak. Emotion makes you weak.
Dammit. We've gone through this. All of us. Mai, and Isis, Kai and... well Harle hasn't. Yet.
I just hunted down the most adorable skin under our favorite source for Blogskins. And, as always I am going to be incredibly selfish about it because I'm going to use it for my blog under Haven. Gyah. That place has officially stagnated into absolute nothingness. But since I am trying to get things back into something that vaguely resembles order, I just might redesign it completely.
Help in that department would be welcomed with open arms and hugs.^^
Stayed up until roughly 3 am with Isis, last night... er, this morning. I promised her I'd fiddle around with her layout, and that is precisely what I am about to do.
But anyway... on the RL sideof my life, I've decided, after reading a particular article in the latest Seventeen Philippines Mag, that it will be healthy for me to start on a journal again.
Besides, I've finally found a way to make a scrapbook that isn't just pictures and stuff...
Blame it all on Crazy/Beautiful.
Y'know, it's really funny how a movie can suddenly just... I dunno, kick you in the butt the way a friend would?
And since none of mydarlingsisters intend to bless me with a little butt kicking (i.e. kick my sorry little tush), this was the closest I could get.
Isis was texting him last night... and be it far from me to get caught up in the middle of a crossfire between the one girl who'd do anything for my happiness and the one guy who's evidently an intruder at this point in time.
*blinks at the way she arranged her plugs*
Chères... (Mai, Harle, Sis, Kai.) I dunno if you noticed, but the way I plugged you guys up there strikes me as funny.^^ Give me a message if you get why.
Anyway.
I watched it just a few hours ago, and I loved the way Kirsten Dunst's character did this little notebook of hers filled with pictures. Kinda like a scrapbook-cum-journal. And it was sweet. And it made the whole thing more personal for the audience (a.k.a me) and the characters in the film.
I mean, journal writing's great - but for someone as visual as me (considering that I am now more visual than I was back then)... I mean, it's nice to see pictures in my head... even nicer when I have these pictures in the physical world, and that I can share these pictures with everyone else around me.
So I ended up ransacking my Mom's collection of scrapbooking magazines to look for cute ideas. And I tell ya, there are quite a few that I'll be using soon. there's this really cute style I'm figuring out how to use now... I think I might have ruined a perfectly good picture, but I'll salvage it somehow.
So... I guess that's the latest update on my life. For now, at least.
. . .
Shout Outs:
Athens ~ I sent the picture and the poem already. Heheheh... I'm on my way to checking out your picture cache... I think the Viggo-phenomenon just spread to everyone else. Isis and I are thinking of photography, blame it party on my Tita Tata, on my darling Kuya, and on the movie itself. ^^ Heheheh... pen me soon. I miss your letters.
Nen ~ I'm fixing your blog... hope you can write in it soon. I miss you kid! Take care where you are.
Talking to Isis on the phone even as I write this... Flip's leaving tomorrow for a three-day-two-night thing at LSGH and well, he's dead asleep right now...
I should be too, considering the time, but I'm presently on another one of my insomnia trips...
"Trapped in circles spinning round and round
I know I'll find you / I know I'll find you"
- Foundation; No Holds Barred
Stuck on a couple of things these days. I'm itching to write a new song but I don't have a melody, I don't have an idea. Storybook Confessions has officially hit a bloody rut and I cannot believe that a certain person is once again texting me.
All the more I can't believe that I enjoy him texting me no matter how much I bitch about it minutes before I finally send in a reply.
As of right now... we're actually talking about him and his idea that he's Mike Cortez's junior version. *blinks* I... think I just got my answer to why there was a "junior" under his name on my signature frame at the debut. (Ube!!! They covered your message to me with tape! Gyaaaah!)
Anyway, it's really... surprising just how much he and I can go back to our... former good-natured banter. Even if he on occassion sounds like a complete hot-air balloon. Something that isn't very practical in this bloody heat.
He makes me laugh.
Stupid sentimentality sometimes makes me think that if things had been different, the past few months would have been completely different. But I'm not about to commit that fallacy Professor Leoncini discussed last term. Just because you think it might have happened, doesn't mean it would have. Living on "what if's" gives us nothing but empty dreams and regrets.
I'm tired of that.
So I changed my approach to life. My approach to the things that matter.
Soemtimes I think it's made me cold in some ways that I once wasn't. Sometimes I think it's the reason why I don't really believe in fairytales anymore. Other times I think it's what's made me a better, if albeit a little brutal in the honesty department, and more 'real' friend than I once was.
I thought I could believe in magic(k) again with my petition for the Lady to draw love into my life in the image and idea of CP - but well, we know how that goes. The chances of that fairytale (I'm really sorry Harle) are slim and next to none.
As Franco told me the other time he and i stayed on SMS until 1:45 in the morning: Dreams are good for the soul.
But practicality tells me that sometimes, insomnia's better than dreaming and dreaming for something that won't come your way.
I wrote this a couple of days ago... when the computer wasn't exactly cooperating. Just managed to dig up the document and copy/paste here.
. . .
May 4, 2003
“Well go thy way. Thou shalt not from this grove
Till I torment thee for this injury.”
- Oberon, King of the Faeries; Line 151-152; Act 2. Scene 1.
I’m caught up in my A Midsummer Night’s Dream script again. Bought a new book a couple of days after my birthday. Flip said he’d consider it his gift for me, though I think he’s changing his mind about it. I’m listening to the CD Lyan gave me for my birthday as his Treasure to me. It’s really nice, lots and LOTS of senti songs… the kind that I’d listen to when I’m being contemplative… which is, as Harle can attest to, a usual thing these days.
I love two songs particularly, conservative with the music as I am lately. Eva Cassidy’s version of Time After Time and (I forget the artist, mind you) Let Me Be The One.
Sentimental, and downright frustrating considering how rotten things have been lately on my part.
Seriously, one too many ‘off-balancing’ events have happened in the course of a week…? In the wake of my debut and I just really… I dunno. I’m tired. That’s as honest as I go now. I am frickin’ tired of everything that’s been thrown my way.
Isis would hate to hear this from me, but honestly, I give up. I totally give up on trying to make sense of everything that’s happening to me. I want to, no doubt about that. But, I just can’t take the fact that Mom and I argue over him more than we really should, putting a strain on the already strained relationship.
And to think all this started because of my debut.
Sometimes, I even find myself thinking that that one fabulous night where I was the main focus, the one night I was the star wasn’t worth all the farden trouble I’m facing now.
Why is it that every time (YES, seriously, this is true.) that I get the chance to be the main attraction FOR ONCE, everything else goes to the dogs.
I mean, hey, y’know, it’s not every day that you people have to focus on me for once. Well, at least that’s what I feel. What I see. Dammit all. I wanted one birthday party to remember and all it’s giving me now is a bloody headache, sleepless nights and heartache all over again.
Conceited as it sounds: I think I caused the freak rainfall earlier on today. Timing na timing kasi sa pagka-badtrip ko.
Anyway, Flip’s sitting on a stool beside me now, playing the songs we both wrote for NHB. Naturally, he loves Foundation the most. ^^ Makes all the sense since it was the first one ever written for our presently non-existent album and dedicated to Kai.
*sighs* But sometimes... I wonder. Maybe... it's time Flip realized that Kai might not be for him. Nor does she probably want to when he's being the idiot that he is and holding tight to something that doesn't exist anymore.
~Mel
Stuck in my Head: Landslide ~ Dixie Chicks **I thought this belonged to the Smashing Pumpkins, but Jimmy Jam (97.1 WLS FM) said in INFOPOP that it belonged to someone else first. Heheheh… the songs of my High School years are coming back to haunt me.
1. "mwah" means "i love you" (haaayyyy kaya pala)
2. "la lang" means "i miss you" or "love kita, di mo alam?"
3. "ok ka lang?" means " ano ka hilo?!?!"
4. "hay nako!" means " seryoso ako"
5. "ingat ka lagi" means "i care for you"
6. "musta na?" means " sino'ng love mo?"
7. "secret" means " ikaw"-> oo ikaw!
8. "ano'ng problema mo?" means " hurt naman ako"
9. "kayo pa rin ba?" means "ako naman"
10. "chick boy ka pala eh!" means " ang kapal mo!!!"
11. "grabe ha!!!" means " selos ako"
12. "saan?" means " sama ako!"
13. "shit!" means "tae!! pinaganda lang"
14. "inaantok na ako" means "wala kang kwentang kausap"
15. "may gagawin pa ako eh" means "maghanap ka ng kausap mo"
16. "bakit naman?" means "alam mo namang ikaw lang"
17. "nakakaaliw ka" means " ang cute mo "
18. "ewan" means " oo "
19. "ganon?" means "kapal mo!!"
20. "eh kasi" means "nahihiya ako"
21. "talaga lang ha?" means "naku, bola!!"
22. "basta" means "magtanong ka pa"
23. "busy ka?" means " kausapin mo naman ako
24. "pwede ba" means " mas cute naman ako sa kanya "
25. "may kasabay ka?" means "nood tayo ng sine & kain sa labas"
26. "miss nahulog" means "anong number mo?"
27. "magwiwithdraw pa ako" means "pucha naman, ikaw muna!!"
28. "may barya ka sa 100?" means "pautang muna, sa sweldo na kita babayaran"
29. "kawawa ka naman" means "buti nga... sabi ko sayo eh!"
30. "susunod ako" means "umalis ka na! ang kulit mo eh"
31. "thank you sa gift ha" means "ang cheap mo naman
*sighs* Sometimes I wonder why... gyah. Seriously, this whole thing is ticking me off and tiring me out. It's frustrating how people tend to... well, just be first class jerks. At least things are calming down here at home. Me and Flip aren't fighting as much.
By the way - pluggage: Void Cathedral. Flip relocated to this address. People might wanna update their links. He will be blogging now, got him into it and he loves it. Got one entry but that's pending.
Mai ~ I'm tired of the fighting, okay? Hope you don't mind that I'm sinking into pacifist mode. I am very peeved at the reason the moron gave me with regards to wicca. As it turns out, it was just 'ammo', to target you and Harle.
Taken from my Shoutouts:
WOW! AT LAST! THE FIRST AND ONLY PERSON THAT MADE SENSE!!!!!
wow! so i was right! you''re the only humane human in the pantheon! wow!
uhmm, please don''t ask how i''ve known maia and kai. ahihihi! i can''t believe it!
you REALLY are melina! and well, i would like to make one thing clear: [uhmm,
soory if i keep saying "this is my last mail" but i continue to rant on and on.
it''s just that my fingers twitch and itch eh!
HINDI KO GINAWA YON KAY SAM DAHIL SA WITCH SYA!
HINDI KO NGA HALOS BINABASA ANG BLOG NYA E!
GINAMIT KO LANG YON AS AN "AMMO".
whatever my reason, i assure you: IT''S VERY REASONABLE!
though i won''t let it out in the open. let''s just say, i''m speaking
in behalf of me and a whole lotta OTHERS. okay?! and don''t worry!
PROMISE NA ITO, AS IN SUMPA NA TALAGA! THIS IS MY LAST MAIL!!!!!!
promise na yan! whew! oh, and [though i know you''re NOT a secretary">
tell your hacker of a friend that i''m waiting! woohoo!
I LOVE HIDE AND SEEK, dont''ya?! well, that''s it! thank you mel.
you are truly likeable.
DAMMIT! This totally takes the cake. Ang titigas talaga ng mga ulo ng ibang tao. LECHE! You know, I try to keep my patience. I try to be calm about this even if I am short of blowing my top.
You know, honey. No matter what the hell you do to fucking SUCK UP to me, it doesn't make me like you any more than I like roaches and leeches. In my book, you're worse than both combined.
I didn't ask for you to call me humane, because, cher, I am anything but from time to time. Considering that I blew my top just a few months ago over a little pest who dared to fight my sisters just as well, I can be JUST AS BAD as Maia when I'm really, really TICKED.
Do you think I'd just leave my sisters to face you alone? That I'd just shrink into the shadows because I'm fucking tired of all this net-bashing? NO. I won't leave them like this because hon - you mess with a member of the Pantheon, you mess with all FIVE of the Pantheon. So beware of backlashes from Isis' direction. that, plus a whole helluva lot of other people who'll be SO HAPPY to skin you fucking alive for the insults you've thrown left and right.
Do you think I would tolerate you dragging/stepping on my beliefs simply because you needed fucking ammo to throw at my sisters?! Do you THINK - seriously THINK for one GODDAMN moment that I'd simply take this shit lying down?!
You may have meant it as some sort of compliment, praising me for being the only one with the calmer attitude at this point in time - but hell yeah - I'd skin you alongside the rest of the group for being the incorrigible BITCH that you are.
You sorry, pitiful excuse for a PERSON, someone who has done NOTHING except provoke us with your incessant commenting and bashing and FUCKING WHINING! and it's not called mail you sorry a-hole! It's called COMMENTS because you leave them on the fucking comment boxes!
I will not tolerate this. I won't. Stupid idiots like you shouldn't be allowed the use of computers and the internet. We have enough pervs and maniacs online enough as it is. Stupidity shouldn't be allowed as well.
You have insulted Maia's mom. You don't even have a frickin clue as to how nice and wonderful Tita is. How DARE you drag her name through the filth!
You've openly insulted my bestfriend in DLSU time and fucking again! Do you HONESTLY think I'd let you get away with that?!
Heheheh. HON, you are SO off your rocker. And so completely out of your fucking league.
. . .
Marc(?) ~ Do your worst. Take this bitch down. No guy could possibly be this incorrigible.
Hope ~ If you've got any suggestions hon, send 'em all my way.
Flip ~ Bro. This bitch has targeted not only your other ates but 'Kai as well. You gonna take this lying down? I don't think so.
You wanted games, twit. Better brace yourself then. We don't tolerate social fuck-ups badmouthing us.
Maia actually made me a lay-out as a belated birthday gift... unfortunately, my Mom's iMac doesn't seem to agree with div layers and CCS. Dammit. And so, unable to resist the pull of temptation in the template upgrade department, I have made this one. Gyah... it's driving me up the wall though since I plan on changing the rather long 'blurb' on the side and try a couple of new formats.
*sighs* Semi-chatting with Fia right now and trying to help her with the internal errors on her blog while I fiddle with graphics for NHB.
SOMETHING I'D APPRECIATE PEOPLE TO READ THOROUGHLY BEFORE COMMENTING/GRIPING/BASHING/FLAMING.
In the absence of Harle to address this new... incident/issue personally, and in Maia's inability to calm down this fiasco (It's okay, Mai. Let it go. Any more statements might aggravate the situation, lie low muna cher... puso mo,) I have decided that though hitting my head against a wall is, as Kai would say: "useless and extremely painful," I think I've got just enough braincells left to sacrifice for this particular address.
TO THE PERSON WHO STARTED ALL THIS:
You know, you sound like a pretty reasonable person. Well, that's just my take on the whole thing anyway, at this particular point. You seem pretty smart (if a little bit too gung-ho with your opinions) and pretty determined on your goal.
What... is your goal, by the way?
I mean, griping is good, but please - you hit a little TOO below-the-belt, a little TOO erratically for you to sound... credible? Yes. I agree with Maia.
I don't know why you've sworn Sam to the ground. I don't understand it. And so, knowing such, I won't pretend like I do, because I don't.
You haven't explained your actions, your side of the story (maybe we haven't given you the chance and opportunity to, but then, maybe we have and you just refuse to), all you've said is that you want to "piss the shit off out of these 4 big dunghills". Which again, honestly speaking, sounds "off", don't you think?
Have I met you? Because I don't think I have. You've addressed Harle by her real name, but I don't know if you know Ekai and myself. Do you even know Maia? You've admitted to not knowing Isis, but that's good since you wouldn't if you're a resident of DLSU (which I am guessing). You also evidently don't know Charlie or you wouldn't have to ask and/or wonder whether he was female, which I can guarantee he's most certainly NOT.
Thank you also for not dragging Refe and the rest of the kids into this, though telling them so is NOT going to keep several people from ranting openly on their own blogs and the comment boxes in our defense. It's only because they have decided that defending the Pantheon is a worthwhile activity.
So let's talk about choices, shall we? - Especially the thing that's gotten you incredibly peeved:
We. Are. Wiccans (witches).
There. It's out in the open, though to those who KNOW US, know that Harle, Maia, Ekai, Isis and myself have been out of the broom closet for quite awhile now. Moreso Me.
You're... Christian? Catholic? I'm not going to make any assumptions, but with the others I've encountered, usually Christians and Catholics (sarado-kandado) are those who speak up in the same way you do. Correct me if I'm wrong in that department. but let's cut to the chase.
Okay. Fine. So you've got a problem with our personal choices - particularly our choice of way of life. It's OURS. Not yours, and personally, I don't see why it's such a big deal for you to gripe about it. It's not as if we're openly harming you or anything - far from it. We don't even know you enough to direct attention unless our attention is called to it/you. And frankly, this situation does.
And that (our reacting to your statements) doesn't make us any dumber, any more juvenile, any more immature or babaw as you evidently are.
As I told Peace, who has wanted nothing but for this whole bash-fest to stop - we didn't start this. We didn't ask for you to condemn our beliefs and our values, we didn't ask you to swear Sammy to the ground or talk back to Maia and fight verbally with her since all she and Harle have done are speak out openly about what's on their minds, their personal (let me stress on that: PERSONAL) views, defend ideologies and people who they've deemed worth defending.
I see that as pretty reasonable on their part, and very admirable the way they've decided NOT to take any flak from people who frankly can't admit to absolutely NOT knowing what the hell they're takling about. And personally - you don't have a frickin' clue as to what you're talking about.
I don't know if what I'll say is the real cause of this whole thing, but I have to start somewhere.
I realized that all THIS started after Sam said her piece, her speech about Wicca in one of her classes. And if you heard it, and were offended by the topic she chose, I apologize ONLY for the seemingly "irreparable damage" she might have caused you.
But.
I can GUARANTEE that there was NOTHING in that speech to offend you, save for the idea of witchcraft itself. I also am aware of the FULL CONTENT of Sam's speech as I am her mentor and appointed guide in our Craft.
To address the content - I saw NOTHING to offend you. Everything in that speech was meticulously researched an, some of the information taken from books I own, and from my personal Book of Shadows. Historic references I can attest to, those that she likely mentioned probably came from A Witch's Runes. Iforget the author, but I WILL write it down if need be - inclusive of page #, publisher, publishing year etc.
You wanna gripe about the information itself - go address the authors. If not, stomach it, twit and read on.
I also read the return comments on the speech and leafed through them with Sam. I had to shake my head at the comments themselves, considering that what I read was disheartening. Disappointing? Yes. Offending? You bet.
But I have enough experience with this kind of thing to know that trying to reach people who reefuse to be reached or listen to reason for even a moment is pointless and a waste of my time.
You, as I have seen/ read happen to be one of those people. People who choose NOT to LISTEN and instead jump into the flame themselves and condemn things they DON'T UNDERSTAND and DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND. This is perfectly disappointing because if we took a closer lookat your personal life, you likely do the same with other things there.
Which reminds me:
you addressed the idea of the "third sex" - which, chère IS a FACT and IS REAL. I reviewed Harle's blog and noted that this was a part of her previous entries as well. An entry also addressed in one of her classes. GENPSYCH, I think.
I am well aware that people are squeamsh when it comes to this particular topic/idea - I was too, but that was Grade 6, long ago and besides the point. You've mentioned that you have friends who are homosexual and am I right in assuming that you accept this particular lifestyle? Or are you being a first-class jerk and treating what friendship you have so lightly that you'd drop them if you had the chance?
AGAIN, STRESSINGON CHOICES: just as these people have the right to choose their sexuality - which I believe is a RIGHT (scientific claims have stated even that these... lifestyles are partly BIOLOGICAL in nature), Sam has the right to choose her topics, form opinions and state these opinions outloud. Whether online on her blog or in a classroom. It also applies to you. you have a right to gripe, just as the rest of us have the right to counteract what you're saying.
What you DO NOT have a right to is to be a frickin' BIGOT, which, you are.
I find no admiration in a person who demeans the beliefs of others and condoning what is technically their business and none of yours.
As mentor to Harle (Sam), Maia and Isis (though I haven't had much time to tutor her lately), I try my best to stress on the overall message of the Wiccan Rede (our version of the Ten Commandments) and attempt to set a good example for them to follow.
To quote from the Rede itself:
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill: An' It Harm NONE, Do What Ye Will.
This makes each of us conscious of what we do and how our actions eventually and ultimately affect others.
You on the other hand come off as just someone who enjoys hitting where it hurts the most. Hitting where you end up sounding like, as I have said: A BIGOT. Flat, plain and simple. Someone with a brain the size of a GODDAMNED PEA and the intelligence that most frown upon.
Again: We have done NOTHING to incite your anger. Your bigotry.
This will be the last time I will address this fiasco. I suggest that you leave us all alone.
If the entries and our ideas bother you so much - NO ONE'S ASKING YOU TO KEEP ON COMING BACK TO READ OUR BLOGS. NO ONE'S ASKINGYOU TO COMMENT AND SWEAR YOUR HEART OUT.
NO ONE'S ASKING YOU TO BE HERE.
So, KIDDO. SHUT THE FUCK UP. You're a migraine for everyone of us and won't gain anything. you lose a LOT, sweetie. We don't lose anything. Because if there's anything I've taught these girls - if there's anything TIME has taught the five of us and everyone else on our lists: NEVER COMPROMISE YOUR BELIEFS JUST BECAUSE JERKS TELL YOU TO CHANGE.
No one can make us let go of our Craft. No one (especially NOT YOU) can make us change who we are.
Melina Noelle Dauphin is 18 years of age born on the 18th of April 1985 at 9:25 am, on the cusp of Aries and Taurus.
She is a Wiccan by choice with Roman Catholic roots thanks to her parents and believes everything has a reason, and that
fate does not equal coincidence.
She is surrently studying at De La Salle University and will be taking up Behavioral Sciences come 1st term, 2003.
Her great loves include her music, dancing, writing, reading, hockey, Tolkien, Dragonlance, the Mighty Ducks (both animated
and the non-animated), and art in general.
She is known in various names such as Mel, Lina, Mia D (Devlin?), Noelle/Noey, Noei, Nyre, Lynne, Lillie, Noele,
Nibblet...all depending on what fandom/ mood/ life/ timeframe/ universe she's in. (MPD anyone?)
She wishes she were part Irish, is desperately learning how to speak Gaelic (and Cajun) and dreams of setting foot in New Orleans
in time for Mardi Gras, or on the shores of Ireland for Midsummer's Eve.
In the absence of a REAL lovelife, Mr.Bugholds the monopoly of my heart.^^
No Holds Barred Noelle "Ielle" Pico
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PHOTO UNAVAILABLE
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status: vocalist/songwriter
"I love Amy Lee from Evanescence and admire her style in singing. Her voice is heartbreaking
and it just gets to you. I'm not saying I want to be her, but
to be able to sing as good as she can, and as honest as she can... that's enough."
- Ielle on her singing idols.
tracks:
Foundation
Imperfection (Guinevere)
Give Me Freedom
Coffee and Nonesense
PERSONAL COMPOSITIONS:
Covenant Broken
One Last Storm
Sleep (Never Again)
One Step Forward (Two Steps Back)
Jump Into the Ocean
Romance
Resignation (instrumental)
Lost To Me (instrumental)
Martyr (NEW)
Pray With Me (NEW)
On Butterfly Wings my earlier attempts at songwriting
Gotta Let Go
No Regrets
Were You Even There
Scents of Lavender
Fork in the Road
ON MY BOOKSHELF: Book of Spells (II) - Marian Green Between Blinks - Jim Paredes The Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice Irish Jewels - Nora Roberts Three Sisters Island - Nora Roberts
Wishlist 2003 (Christmas ed.)
BOOKS The Last Unicorn - Peter S. Beagle Titania's Book of Hours - Titania Hardie Enchanted - Titania Hardie In the Circle - Elen Hawke
>>Note to: Doggieniichan
CDs Celtic Emotions
Troika Goddess Faeries
Adeimus Songs of Sanctuary Dances of Time The Eternal Knot
i can't see tomorrow
(but with you it's okay)
the whole of the moon [celtic fayre]
one of these says [michelle branch]
breathe [michelle branch]
blame it on the weatherman [b*witched]
what can i do [the corrs]
a sorta fairytale [tori amos]
do what you have to do [sarah mclachlan]
unwell [matchbox20]
head over feet [alanis morissette]
colourblind [darius danesh]
why don't you & i [santana; alex band]
last goodbye [atomic kitten]
ielle's bracelet
swing swing [all american rejects]
teenaged dirtbag [wheatus]
going under [evanescence]
somewhere out there [our lady peace]
i think god can explain [splender]
tourniquet [evanescence]
system [qotd ost]
bring me to life [evanescence]
imaginary [evanescence]
taking over me [evanescence]
dancing in the dark
baby boy [beyonce feat. sean paul]
shake yer tailfeather [nelly feat p. diddy/murphy lee]
thoia thiong [r. kelly]
ignition [r. kelly]
smooth [santana feat. rob thomas]
soundtrack collection
final fantasy: the spirits within
lotr: the fellowship of the ring
lotr: the two towers
treasure planet
queen of the damned
vision of escaflowne
dinner serenade (042103)
harana [parokya ni edgar]
stay [lisa loeb]
small two of pieces [xenogears ost]
runaway [the corrs]
hands clean [alanis morissette]
my immortal [evanescence]
wherever you will go [the calling]
for you [the calling]
Template was designed by Melina Dauphin
and encoded by Maia D.
Special thanks to Meemee for providing Maia the
necessary tutorials for CSS.
The images on this blog are mine, taken from
my computer. The moving pentagram - I do not remember where I found, but if you made this, feel free to
email me so I can give you due credit.
The faeries by Brian Froud are scanned from my own Faerie Oracle deck. These are not my works of art, and I scanned
the images only for my personal use.
