I just realized that several people had asked about the URL of my bloggie but I failed to explain why.
Heheh... anyone who reads Nora Roberts (lately anyway) would know about her Three Sisters Island trilogy.
point ma'am: I just found out that Three Sisters is a real island. -_-;; Goddess I feel so stupid. Heheheh...
Anyway, there are three main female characters, namely: Nell Channing, Ripley Todd (yes, this is Isis' blog URL) and Mia Devlin.
These three girls are supposedly decendants of a trio of very powerful witches who 'made' the island of Three Sisters. Anyway, as those of you know, I am now presently out-of-the-broom-closet. Yes, I am Wiccan. ;p And this particular book appealed to me. ME and my Mom, in fact. Heheheh...
Anyway, for a time, my life seemed to parrallel the storyline. So, presently, I have a Nell and a Ripley - though they're both spread into numerous people.
Conceited as it may sound, I began calling myself Mia. Not because I look like her - heaven forbid! that woman has LEGS for crying out loud! and she's just oozing with sex appeal that turns a man's mind to absolute mush.
And as much as I wish I had those qualities... eheheh... no thank you. ;p I prefer to be Melina D. 'eclectic' as I may be.
*pauses* If that sounded wrong, please, someone correct me and I'll change it. ;p
There. Basta! There are a lot of reasons why I love that book. But in totality I named my URL miadevlin simply because I love the character. ;p
It is Friday and I am at the computer lab on the third floor.
It is Friday and I went through another session with RELS and FILIPI wherein first, we discussed the fact that we have to do a Bibliarasal at home, complete with pictures and secodly, because I have to format several things on my computer tonight. Read: the translated version (Tagalog) of Chicken Soup for the Teenaged Soul II.
Talk about wow.
Gah! I just wish summer would roll by and take me away. At least then the only headache I will have to deal with is a. my gown - which, I haven't seen since that fitting a month ago, b. the guestlist - which, though finally finished has to be typed. And c. my make-up and every other frou-frou that comes along.
And... heh. I'd problemize over adding to AB - which is stuck where it is because though I have so many new scenes in mind I cannot seem to find enough time to update it.
Yes, I know I blog - but writing the scenes for my darling blog-series is a different matter altogether. I want it to be well-thought, not rushed. It means too much to me to take for granted in that way.
Now. About tattoos.
Don't worry people - please, I did not get an actual tattoo, though I have spend on a henna tattoo of the Goddess' symbol (the triplicate moon) which is now currently sitting/riding on my left hip. About roughly a year ago I had a tattoo in the same area, only this time it was a dolphin riding on the waves with the letters 'xliv' printed below it.
The reason for those letters I might explain some other time. All I'll say is that they mean something to because thanks to a wonderful boy who I have not heard from in a year. Wherever you are, Sean, hello, hi, I wish you'd e-mail me.
Anyway - why the Goddess symbol? Well... let's just say that I want to... get in touch with her? - No, that's not the word... but anyway - another reason is because I couldn't find a decent fairy to place on my left shoulderblade. For the MD (Mighty Ducks - animated) fans reading this, you'll know that my character there - Nyre Leviste has one on her let shoulderblade. Heheheh... talk about bringing what is written to real life. ;p
. . .
On white shirts.
For teh first time since I bought this knitted thing *gestures to the white, short-sleeved turtleneck* I am finally wearing it.
Heheheh... Flip, pumapayat na ako (ed~ trans: I am finally getting slimmer), which is why I am going to grovel at your feet tonight and beg you to be my spotter for the next two weeks that training stops and the constant fear of me blimping up before the debut begins anew. Gr. The life I have to lead due to slow metabolism. ;p
Heheheh...
I dunno why I even wrote that *points up to the first title*. But I guess it feels... great, today to have a lot of things out and hopefully resolved.
Maia - I love you so much, ma chère, thank you again for being honest. *huggles* I wanna see you na!!! Gah!
And then there's the fact that I blog-hopped a little while ago and found this here:
Well...let me get one thing straight...eden, i never used you as my crutch...never. I wouldn't even dream of it. Is that what you really thought it was? The thing is, i just want to be open to you...I didn't want to hide any secrets from you. The only time that I asked for your help was with a certain something...I just wanted us to be like sisters...but it doesn't necessarily mean that I use you as a crutch.
I tried my best. God knows I did. As much as possible, I didn't ask help from you...I just told you my problems, because I don't want to keep any secrets from you. Because I want you to feel that you are a part of my family.
Hope...Ate Maia...thank you for your shoutouts. They cheered me up.^_^
And nesan, thanks again. When you and big bro talked to me, I realized I was being too greedy. I wanted to get along with everybody...even if that meant I have to degrade myself in order for them to like me...I did it. I was an idiot.This past 3 years, I realized I lost myself completely. I let the waves wash me away. The Alessa that Eden meant wasn't like this. The Alessa that Eden met,was strong. I finally knew what it meant, and I realized I was strong, only a long time ago...
So eden, I accept your proposal of being friends again. Yet I promise you, once I find the real me, the me that you knew and loved, the me, 3 years ago, I assure you, I will be once again the best friend that you can proud of. Count on it ^_^
Nesan...Eden...I love you guys.^_^ arigato...
This is my last sorry.
I'm sorry if I ever hurt you,Eden.
I'm sorry nesan, if I ever disappointed you.
The both of you totally rock. I mean it.(",)
Now...for the people who are sick and tired of reading this blog due to its constant whining, and especially for the people who antagonized me this past three years...to my loved ones, Eden and Melina...the curtain rises here...watch me bloom...
*sniffles and searches for a tissue* Not meaning to be melodramatic or anything but I really am proud (to the point of joyful tears) that I manged to get through to you, Lessa. *huggles* I am v. proud of how you handled this - and very relieved that...well. You get the point. ;p
Let's just say that your neesan has this thing about when people stop texting her. Heheheh... crisis finished, I hope that it's okay with all parties concerned (read: all of my babies) that I slump you in the same table at my debut.
Table preparations and bloody placecards kill a person's brain. Geez. The things I have to go through to hype up the... most important(?) birthday in my life. Yuck. That was soooooooooooo cheesy. Heheheh...;p
. . .
Hah. See what I mean? My darling imouto is improving *huggles Lessa again* and has shown... exemplary *blinks ~ is that the right term?* - erg... commendable... gah. Nevermind. I don't make sense anymore.
I need more sleep. Gr.
NEEEEEEEEEEEEXT!!!
Hah. Well there's Maia's honesty, Alessa's new achievement, the fact that three out of six of the Wednesday Gang (Isis, Harle, Me... though Mac showed up later on) met up with Hope, Nenloth (tell you mom I said hello!!!), my highschool kada - Ice and Meloi, and... methinks I'll be adopting someone new...but for the moment - I don't think I can yet. ;p *huggles Marty*
Marty, get a bloggie! Then I'll be able to bother you 24/7! Heheheh... Ich. Sorry if I was so out of it last Wed. That's what you call information overload - DLSU style.
Hm...what else... Ich. I'll just blog a new entry when I make further sense. I...have to do something... don't ask *sweatdrops and skitters out of the comp lab for a minute*
Since the moment I spotted you
Like walking round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with butterflies
Ooh and it's alright
Bouncing around from cloud to cloud
Got the feeling like I'm never gonna come down
If I said I didn't like it then you'd know I'd lied ooooh
And everytime I try to talk to you
I get tounge tied turns out
Everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right
So I'm singing
Why Don't You and I get together
We'll take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will, Tails we'll try again
And I'm singing
Why Don't You and I get together
And fly to the moon and straight on to Heaven
'Cause without you they're never gonna let me in
When's this fever gonna break
I think I've handled more than any man can take
I'm like a love sick puppy chasing you around
Oooh and i'ts alright
Bouncing around from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never gonna down
And if I said I didn't like it then you'd know I'd lied
Oooh
And everytime I'd try to talk to you I'd get tounge tied turns out
Everything I say to you comes out wrong and never comes out right
So I'm singing
Why Don't you and I get together
Let's take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and Tails we'll try again
So I'm singing
Why Don't You and I get together
We'll fly to the moon and straight on to Heaven
'Cause without you they're never gonna let me in
Slowly I begin to realise that this is never gonna end
And the moment you walk by it's like oh here we go again oh
So I'm singing
Why Don't you and I get together
We'll take on the world and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again
And I'm singing
Why Don't You and I get together
And fly to the moon and straight on to Heaven
'Cause without you they're never gonna let me in
(repeat to fade)
...
Methinks I want a new lay-out for this bloggie. New contest is up (though the old one still holds despite my new lay-out at BBD)! Posted it over there are well - i want a really nice version for A ghra. And just to be demanding all the same - I want it in layers. ;p But please, people, make it plenty of space for my text. Heheheh...
Sorry... my Mom just burned me four songs of Common Rotation and I have officially lost my head over them. ;p
A lot of things... will change by the time school ends and summer closes in on me. And, admittedly, there will be some things that won't be resolved, some things that will be let hanging on the proverbial cliff. Some things, as well, that I'll have to own up to and state as a closing for this particular chapter of the story of my life.
Melodramatic and shitty as it sounds, it's the only way that I see my life. A book that I write in constantly - a blog I update every so often, filled with so many ups and downs in the ever-present rollercoaster of emotions.
And now this.
*sighs* I'll admit it here and now that I haven't been completely honest with you guys. I haven't been completely honest with myself. I do realize now, that I can trust the number of people who are reading the entries on this blog - petty as they may seem soemtimes, despite my attempts to sound convincing enough to be 'happy' and 'fine'.
A little part of me trusts now, that the people who read this - who love me (or say they do) for who and how I am despite the crappy moodswings and such... that these people will stick by me as I... 'grow up' a little more again.
One more new candle on the cake this year. Another piece of the child Melina stripped away by the events that have happened in the course of... a school year. If only I could still hang onto the child's eyes. If only, as I mature, my heart wouldn't harden little by little. I am jaded to several things enough as it is.
Or at least... I think I am.
This is what it is. These are the facts I lay out before you.
............................................................................................
I still remember the world / through the eyes of a child /
Slowly those feelings were clouded with what I know now / ............................................................................................
Several nights ago I had a dream.
i dreamt that I was sitting in my small corner in the classroom and as usual, the block was as noisy as ever. I dreamt that I stood up and stepped closer to the back door and opened it to find myself looking at the table that theWednesdayGang usually uses when we meet up at McDo.
You were all there.
And I don't mean just the gang - ~hope~, nenloth, .:eden:. - you guys were there as well. So were my Da, Faye, and several other people.
So there I stood, caught in the threshold of a door.
I couldn't help but feel a little - if not a lot - lost.
And these people standing (or sitting) infront of me - I realized were my comfort zone. And the group that was behind me were the people I just want so badly to leave behind.
But beyond my comfort zone, and far beyond the people I now choose to leave behind - the exit of 'McDo'... that's the place I need to go to. At least, that's what my dream said.
Call it stupid, call the dream silly - symbolic as it is, I know what it means.
Though what lies beyong that door, I don't know.
............................................................................................
Where has my heart gone /
And I'd even dream for the real world /
Oh I / I want to go back to / believeing in everything /
And knowing nothing at all / ............................................................................................
Half the time I try to convince myself that I am still capable of loving a person on the more romantic level -- half the bloody time I think I actually believe that I can. Well... at least with CP and Adam in mind... but I digress.
Trusth is - I don't know anymore. I really don't know whether I want to feel that way again.
Call it cowardice, call it weakness - but frankly, it's absolute shit to be left behind. And there's only so much that I can take. For now... at least.
I just don't think I'm capable of loving the way I used to - free of doubts, free of anything that could mar the... simple beauty of just loving that person.
Tell it to the cynicism that's roomed up in my soul.
Mom, Isis - it infuriates the hell out of my darker side to know that you two seem to know me more than I could ever think to know myself. It never fails that you two probably know what exactly I want, and it does not help that you have to be so fleetingly brutal in honesty as far as people come.
You're both right.
I'm not fine. At least, not completely as I'd hoped I was.
I admit now that I do sometimes catch myself thinking of him... in my most quiet of moments... but I have enough sense to kick the thoughts, the images - those memories out the door and remind myself that the boy I once knew and loved so weel six months ago is now just that: a memory at the back of the many films stored inside my head.
Nothing will change that. And right now - I'm happy that that's all it is... and hopefully, all it wil ever be.
I have one memory left untainted - untouched still by the anger and hurt that swims around whenever I'm pissed as everlasting hell.
Let me allow myself to keep this one memory - to imortalize it as I have in my song... Let me keep this one memory, a reminder that it was all worthwhile - let me think of it as the one time when I really, truly felt that he loved me... even if just a little. Even if only for a little while.
Bittersweet as it may be... it's all I'll allow myself to have.
I want to close the door behind me - leave it all behind me. It doesn't matter anymore that it's all hanging from the cliff... it doesn't matter - or rather, it matters so little now that it's all unfinished.
I do't want him in my life anymore. I cut all ties... remember? It only happens that some of these ties are replaced by new ones as time passes me by.
. . .
I do not want him at my debut. I don't want to even THINK of inviting him to the one night that will be dedicated to me, and me alone.
He isn't a part of the story anymore. He isn't a part of ME anymore. Not even in the littlest of ways.
How do I know this?
Because the number 25 holds no more meaning - whether bad or good - to me. Because I no longer think of him when a Superman logo appears before my eyes - *coughcough* I think of Tom Welling now...
And because as empty as the now filled slot for the 18th Rose for my debut feels... it's not his embrace that I want to feel when I dance my last dance, and it's not his choice I want to hear playing over the speakers. It's not him anymore.
I got my heart back... and I taped at all back together with the highest quality scotch tape that I could find.
Yes... I miss him. What little I do remember of him. And yes, I am disappointed that at this point, there is no way that neither he nor I could salvage what friendship we lost when we parted ways.
That, perhaps... is my one and only regret.
But could you blame me for being me. Mel, in all her complexities... in all her contradictories.
I guess my darling RL brother Flip said it best when we grasped for nicknames last night over BTVS, Michelle Trachtenberg (ed~ spelling?), music, Evanescence and Common Rotation.
Melina Noelle Dauphin is 18 years of age born on the 18th of April 1985 at 9:25 am, on the cusp of Aries and Taurus.
She is a Wiccan by choice with Roman Catholic roots thanks to her parents and believes everything has a reason, and that
fate does not equal coincidence.
She is surrently studying at De La Salle University and will be taking up Behavioral Sciences come 1st term, 2003.
Her great loves include her music, dancing, writing, reading, hockey, Tolkien, Dragonlance, the Mighty Ducks (both animated
and the non-animated), and art in general.
She is known in various names such as Mel, Lina, Mia D (Devlin?), Noelle/Noey, Noei, Nyre, Lynne, Lillie, Noele,
Nibblet...all depending on what fandom/ mood/ life/ timeframe/ universe she's in. (MPD anyone?)
She wishes she were part Irish, is desperately learning how to speak Gaelic (and Cajun) and dreams of setting foot in New Orleans
in time for Mardi Gras, or on the shores of Ireland for Midsummer's Eve.
In the absence of a REAL lovelife, Mr.Bugholds the monopoly of my heart.^^
No Holds Barred Noelle "Ielle" Pico
- - - - - - - - - - -
PHOTO UNAVAILABLE
- - - - - - - - - - -
status: vocalist/songwriter
"I love Amy Lee from Evanescence and admire her style in singing. Her voice is heartbreaking
and it just gets to you. I'm not saying I want to be her, but
to be able to sing as good as she can, and as honest as she can... that's enough."
- Ielle on her singing idols.
tracks:
Foundation
Imperfection (Guinevere)
Give Me Freedom
Coffee and Nonesense
PERSONAL COMPOSITIONS:
Covenant Broken
One Last Storm
Sleep (Never Again)
One Step Forward (Two Steps Back)
Jump Into the Ocean
Romance
Resignation (instrumental)
Lost To Me (instrumental)
Martyr (NEW)
Pray With Me (NEW)
On Butterfly Wings my earlier attempts at songwriting
Gotta Let Go
No Regrets
Were You Even There
Scents of Lavender
Fork in the Road
ON MY BOOKSHELF: Book of Spells (II) - Marian Green Between Blinks - Jim Paredes The Vampire Chronicles - Anne Rice Irish Jewels - Nora Roberts Three Sisters Island - Nora Roberts
Wishlist 2003 (Christmas ed.)
BOOKS The Last Unicorn - Peter S. Beagle Titania's Book of Hours - Titania Hardie Enchanted - Titania Hardie In the Circle - Elen Hawke
>>Note to: Doggieniichan
CDs Celtic Emotions
Troika Goddess Faeries
Adeimus Songs of Sanctuary Dances of Time The Eternal Knot
i can't see tomorrow
(but with you it's okay)
the whole of the moon [celtic fayre]
one of these says [michelle branch]
breathe [michelle branch]
blame it on the weatherman [b*witched]
what can i do [the corrs]
a sorta fairytale [tori amos]
do what you have to do [sarah mclachlan]
unwell [matchbox20]
head over feet [alanis morissette]
colourblind [darius danesh]
why don't you & i [santana; alex band]
last goodbye [atomic kitten]
ielle's bracelet
swing swing [all american rejects]
teenaged dirtbag [wheatus]
going under [evanescence]
somewhere out there [our lady peace]
i think god can explain [splender]
tourniquet [evanescence]
system [qotd ost]
bring me to life [evanescence]
imaginary [evanescence]
taking over me [evanescence]
dancing in the dark
baby boy [beyonce feat. sean paul]
shake yer tailfeather [nelly feat p. diddy/murphy lee]
thoia thiong [r. kelly]
ignition [r. kelly]
smooth [santana feat. rob thomas]
soundtrack collection
final fantasy: the spirits within
lotr: the fellowship of the ring
lotr: the two towers
treasure planet
queen of the damned
vision of escaflowne
dinner serenade (042103)
harana [parokya ni edgar]
stay [lisa loeb]
small two of pieces [xenogears ost]
runaway [the corrs]
hands clean [alanis morissette]
my immortal [evanescence]
wherever you will go [the calling]
for you [the calling]
Template was designed by Melina Dauphin
and encoded by Maia D.
Special thanks to Meemee for providing Maia the
necessary tutorials for CSS.
The images on this blog are mine, taken from
my computer. The moving pentagram - I do not remember where I found, but if you made this, feel free to
email me so I can give you due credit.
The faeries by Brian Froud are scanned from my own Faerie Oracle deck. These are not my works of art, and I scanned
the images only for my personal use.
