Saturday, February 15, 2003
I have gone completely insane with regards to AB. Spent part of last night talking on the phone with Harle-cher figuring out what the heck to put in per episode in the whole of Season 1 (that amidst MF and CP discussions, my LOTR self-insert, her upcoming blog series and a load of other things that usually comprise our loooooong phonecalls).
They've finally sorted out the internet mes here at the office... which is pretty okay anyway considering that i had ample time to write down whatevers for my LOTR self-insert fic.
*sighs* I have not eaten. Anything. Since breakfast.
Why is it that people have the nasty habit of ruining the lives of my darlings?
DAMN IT ALL TO FARDEN HELL ISIS! What (the fuck) is THIS???
Ano nanaman ang pumasok sa utak mo at tinotopak ka nanaman?! (ed~ trans: what got into your mind this time and you're acting so screwy?!)
Who do I have to fuxing kill to get it through to your head NOT to go all depressed like this?!
By the GODDESS! What's gotten into you? You're not like this? Well, not to my knowledge anyway -- *blinks* SHIT.
M'eudail (ed~ trans gaelic: my darling; my treasure), why are you hitting yourself over and over again when you shouldn't even be thinking that way?
I swear. If I have to lay the fuxing law down yet again and earn your anger I WILL START keeping you away from the people who *obviously* set this trail of thought to move in a friggin' chain reaction in the first place!
And DOLL! DO NOT TELL ME that you are attending that LOUSY V-day date tonight? I know you said that you canceled everything except the one with Kale, but please -- PLEASE reassure me that you are not going to be the fuxing martyr and go to that thing with Soc just because you feel fuckin' obligated to go!
You, as my sister should know that it doesn't count if you're going at frickin' gunpoint to an affair that should be FUN.
Farden bloody, everlasting, shitty hell.
I am NOT going to stand by and watch all this happen.
Mon chere... as I said in you comments box, you just say the word and I'll do what I can to inflict an incredible amount of pain to the two bastards who are obviously TOO STUPID to realize how much damage they're causing.
*swears loudly in every language she knows* TANG-I-NA. I swear Kai, papatayin ko na sila. *pauses* Well, maybe not kill them, but damn well make them suffer all the possible tortures that I can conjure up.
-->I know the RULE Harle. I know that the Rede disallows inflicting pain to others -- but by the God! I WILL disregard the Rede (just--this--once) and do everything short of ending their miserable little lives as payment for what misery they've caused Ekai.<--
To Hell and Hades with the Threefold Law -- I WILL accept the farden punishment if that's what penance I have to do for Kai's sake.
NODOBY HAS BLOODY THE RIGHT TO DO WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO HER -- TO ANYBODY.
Kale. Pare, chill. It's okay to feel the slightest bit shitty. Right now, I'm thinking we all feel as shitty as that, considering that all hell is practically breaking loose on earth.
F~~~. I swear, I'm gonna need a farden massage by the time I'm done with this.
Back to YOU Sis. Look, cher, life's a fuxing bitch who needs to get laid yet again. And basically, all I have to tell you is THIS:
You don't want to go to cheering practice. Then don't. Screw the fact that I'm fucking B.I. right now (ed~ trans: Bad Influence.). what matters the most to me at this point is seeing you happy. Because at the moment I'm not. Fuck. Hell. Do you think MY farden life is okay m'love?
Okay: NEWSFLASH. I went into a fucking hysterical fit the other night and thankfully, I was still thinking coherently when I texted Mai.
Why oh, fuxing why didn't I text you?! Because, babydoll, at that lousy state of mind I didn't want to burden you with all the negatives that had been screwing with my entire system from the night me and Athens actually vented out whatever shit was still stored in the system. Athens about the fact that she feels more than a little alone over there in Aussie -- and me over the issue that was never resolved -- never fuxing closed -- until I finally got to scream, rant and tear my whole sanity to bitter shreds on the carpet.
You want to know just how much crap I've kept in so that I could finally get my sister back from the dead??!! YOu go and ASK Athens what graves I dug up. Graves, my love, you supplied to me back in the latter end of 4th-fucking-year! Graves the BOTH of you tossed in MY direction.
I'm farden passed all that now, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I survive Sis, and it was the thought that a gap had formed betweeen You, and Me, and Her that's been killing me. Dagnabit! Can't you SEE just how it KILLS me that MY LIFE -- at fucking present -- is in absolute shambles and that the only things I live for now are Wednesdays and all of you who are dear to my own heart.
TAMA NA NGA!.
I am so sick of hearing you two feeling the goddamn hell sorry for yourselves when there's so much to celebrate in the world!
Dang it! There as friggin' war about to break loose, people died on a shuttle that landed wrong. Somebody very dear to me attempted suicide a couple of months back, is on friggin' medication, is seeing a bloody shrink who DOES NOT UNDERSTAND a farden thing. And where am I?
--Here. Stuck in the rut that is supposedly my home. Where another person who I would gladly give my life for is depressing herself with friends (excuse my sarcasm, please, but I am through with being nice) who DO NOT know *half* of her worth. Act the fucking hell as if sila lang ang may karapatan na samahan siya (ed~ trans: they are the only ones with the right to hang around her), and honestly make me want to puke my farden lungs out in complete disgust.
No one can force you to do what they want unless you allow them to force you to do what they want.
F***. I'm one of those. I am so SICK and TIRED of what HELL I happen to be stuck in every friggin' day I have to go to sit in a class who I no longer keep any love for.
Fuck this. I'm out.
I don't have any strength left in me. And I sure as hell will try not to let this bloody moronic thing destroy what started out to be a very hopeful V-day.
I dunno about the rest of you -- but loves, heads up -- it's Valentine's Day. And I mean a day to spend quality time with people you love.
Read: PEOPLE. not significant other/not boyf/not boytoy or whatever else you might want to call them.
PEOPLE. Your family, your friends -- those who matter. I believe that's how you termed the rest of us Isis.
*sighs* Darling, my own, angel-eyes. I'm not mad. I'm just tired. Can we all just get past this shit? Please? I got you back after a looooong summer of awkwardness and such. I am NOT going to allow Brenna and the rest to suffer another rift between us.
LYS, Isis. Always us. Remember?
To the rest of you, I hope you forgive the sudden burst of negative emotion. I'm just tired.
Ciao, mon chere amis.
melina @ 5:43:00 PM )O(
I swear, if I start blubbering I will go ahead and kick myself
I am now officially insane.Ü *BIG GRIN* I am at the moment editing what there is of my blog series Autumn's Bounty and am v. happy with the comments that have been put up so far by the darlings who went and read.Ü heheh...
I am in computer class...and sir is discussing facts and informaiton on the internet. Mrf. As if I didn't know a lot.
Put up Ej-chan's linky and the one for the RING*CON 2003. For all those who want to go drool over the two men goofing around on the stage in Germany...LOOK! -> LOOK! -> I put it up under OPEN PATHS. The first link on the list!
Woke up this morning with a song playing in my head.
She is a Wiccan by choice with Roman Catholic roots thanks to her parents and believes everything has a reason, and that
fate does not equal coincidence.
Hover By series
Snapshots of Silver Guitar
Noelle "Ielle" Pico
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"I love Amy Lee from Evanescence and admire her style in singing. Her voice is heartbreaking and it just gets to you. I'm not saying I want to be her, but to be able to sing as good as she can, and as honest as she can... that's enough."
- Ielle on her singing idols.
Give Me Freedom
Coffee and Nonesense
On Butterfly Wings
ON MY BOOKSHELF:
The Last Unicorn - Peter S. Beagle
Titania's Book of Hours - Titania Hardie
Enchanted - Titania Hardie
In the Circle - Elen Hawke
>>Note to: Doggieniichan
Songs of Sanctuary
Dances of Time
The Eternal Knot
Leean Rimes - Twisted Angel
Tori Amos - Scarlet's Walk
Evanescence - Fallen
Santana - Shaman
~any album as long as it's theirs
i can't see tomorrow
dancing in the dark
dinner serenade (042103)
of roses and rain
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